this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
