2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
how does that bad decision feel?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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