i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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