Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
