Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
