Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
