she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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