I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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