Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
