wat bout pragnant strippers??
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
