my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
love makes seman taste better
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
