why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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