Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
