let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
me + whiskey = a bad person
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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