The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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