i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
