if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
