Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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