We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
