Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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