Banned from zoo.
Again?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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