I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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