Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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