I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
