Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
