At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
