I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
