He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
