So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I am available for nakedness
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
