I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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