i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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