Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
