i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
