fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
