Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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