Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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