Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
