Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
