I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
