He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
