The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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