Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
