I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
