Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
