So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize