She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
