nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
