I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
