im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
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I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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