I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
