Did you just see the Batmobile???
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
