watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
