I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
