I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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