Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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