it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
