Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
