Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
