hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
