how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
