Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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