Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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