Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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