if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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