I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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