Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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