when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize