I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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