I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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