one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
