shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
