Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Randomize
