i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
