i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
