I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
