Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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