apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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