Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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