Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
