not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
