I just saw a hot homeless man
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
