Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
