I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
