Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
