hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
