God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize