I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
