Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
What drink are we having for lunch?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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