Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
