Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
not ubering you a puppy
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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