is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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