A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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