New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
