Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
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I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
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Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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